In life, perhaps in this moment, we are given an opportunity to listen. If we are still, we may actually hear what is calling to us. We have a choice at this time; “do I listen” or “do I move back into the familiar patterns of my life?” Do I answer the call and take the risk inherent in it’s promise - to change me and “riddle” me into being more fully who I am?

” Often in actual life, and not infrequently in the myths and popular tales, we encounter the dull case of the call unanswered; for it is always possible to turn the ear to other interests. Refusal of the summons converts the adventure into its negative. Walled in boredom, hard work, or ‘culture,’ the subject loses the power of significant affirmative action and becomes a victim to be saved. His flowering world becomes a wasteland of dry stones and is meaningless – even though, like King Minos, he may through titanic effort succeed in building an empire of renown. Whatever house he builds, it will be a house of death: a labyrinth of cyclopean walls to hide from him his Minotaur. All he can do is create new problems for himself and await the gradual approach of his disintegration.” (Campbell, 1949, p. 59)

Posted in Rest Within a Sense of Wholeness | 1 Comment »

Accepting change necessitates the willingness to age. What comes with age? Experience, institutional memory and knowhow, all good things, right? Your company has experience – “we know how to get the job done.” You have institutional memory – “we have done this before, learned from our mistakes and don’t have to invent a new solution.” You have good old fashioned knowhow – “all the skills we need to accomplish our goals, we possess.”

However, the future is unfolding before us at an extraordinary and mind-numbing rate. So much of what we thought we could trust, the “gold standard” - our ability to make sense of our customer needs, our industry and the world at large - seems to be changing.

It is time for us to recognize that change is an invitation to recognize that each moment contains within it a hint of the future that is emerging. Age is about letting go and receiving the future as much as it is about learning from the past.

Posted in Insights for Organizations | No Comments »

A conflict arises within a male when he realizes that in order to provide and survive he must “win,” yet if he is to live  –  he must be able to relate.  Nerburn (1993) exemplifies this plight for older generations of men by first discussing his father and then addressing his son:

“From his earliest childhood he had been cut adrift in a world where a person needed to emerge the winner to keep from being annihilated.  No wonder his sense of manhood was so deeply tied to his sense of male dominance and mastery.  (p. 11)”

In addressing his son, Nerburn explains a potential for younger generations which suggests a less aggressive and a more interdependent and hence inter-relational positioning in the world.

“You were born into a different world that will present you with different gifts and challenges.  A new vision of manhood will be called for that does not tie so closely into the more aggressive and competitive residues of our male character.  You will need to search out new ways of expressing strength, showing mastery, and exhibiting courage–ways that do not depend upon confronting the world before you as an adversary.  (pp. 12, 13)”

Nerburn leaves it to his son, however, to “search out” these non-adversarial ways of being in the world.  It is interesting to note that many fathers, today, are not satisfied to leave their sons alone to discover and define what it means to be a man.  Awareness of the problem suggests responsibility for the problem.  Once we become aware, fathers must take on this responsibility so as much as is humanly possible, we are able to pass on solutions and not simply the problems.

Read the rest of this page »

Posted in The Present Father | No Comments »

A friend told me a story recently about his second date with his first wife. He decided he would cook a meal at her apartment and while at the market could not be sure if she would like the plain chicken or a nice juicy teriyakis chicken. So he bought both, along with all the fixings; rice, salad, vegetables, flowers and wine.

When he was unpacking the groceries, preparing to start the meal, she noticed the two chickens; “Why did you buy two…?” And before he could explain, she went off on a rant that was so familiar to him that he remembers to this day thinking, “Well, if I can survive growing up with my mother I can survive this.”

The script is always there, in each moment. Often, we know in the very beginning everything we need to know to predict the future. My friend Rob, we shall call him, entered into a 5 year marriage that had all the unresolved dynamics he had grown up with. It is such a cliché to simply explain that “we marry our mothers.” Rather, I think we are drawn to situations that are unresolved in our psyches out of an unconscious drive to seek resolution. And very simply, all that is seeking to be resolved is accomplished to the degree to which we are willing to feel what is happening in the moment. All the information we need to make better decision is right in front of us if we can remain open and acknowledge what it is that we are feeling and thinking, as life unfolds before us.

It is when we care-take or manage the situation in front of us so that we don’t have to feel, that things become complex. Our willingness to listen to what is occurring – trust how we feel, inquire into the nature of the other person’s motivation and respect life as is –  simplifies our life. Without this mindfulness, we are likely to move into our relationships like a rudderless boat adrift and vulnerable to the winds, currents and prevailing tides.

Posted in Dr. Dukes' Musings | No Comments »

“This morning when my boy woke up he called for his mother;  a few minutes later, while she was preparing a bottle, I walked quietly into the room.  He waved to me, as I lay across the end of his bed.  He muttered “good morning” in his sleepy voice.  His hand was extended to me and I held it for awhile, massaging the fingers gently.  No words were spoken.  The action seemed to be pulling him from his not-yet-awake consciousness, into the world.  He withdrew his hand and said “Go.”  That was all he said, “Go!”  I smiled and said “ok.”  As I left the room I added that I would see him in awhile.  He smiled and nuzzled deep into the bedding.”  (Fathering Journal, 12/19/93)

In the above vignette there appears to be no agenda, no method, and no intention on the father’s part but to be with his boy.  Perhaps nothing was gained, yet certainly nothing was lost in this gentle interaction.  This interchange was influenced by the context and the state of the father’s psyche.  In that moment the father appears free of conflicting demands which could have predetermined his psychological, emotional, and behavioral posturing.  What took place in the father’s psyche, both conscious and unconscious, is of interest.  How he entered the room could have been conditioned by numerous potential influences.  He could have been carrying a judgement of how long he feels his boy should sleep and of how he should wake up.  When told to “go,” there was fertile ground for intrapsychic intrusion on the part of the father.  He could have allowed dozens of alternative responses (i.e., his feelings could have been hurt).  Yet, quite simply, he got up and walked out of the room.  How did he do that?  In addition, what message did he leave with his son as communicated by his body posture, breathing pattern, words, and gestures?  These actions are also grounds for choice or subject to defensive responses.  Could these responses have been determined by the degree of awareness brought to the situation?

Posted in The Present Father | No Comments »

A recent article in the Providence Journal reminds us that we have control over our success and our failure, if we pay attention:

“With the downturn in the economy comes an increased interest in starting a business.

You may be interested because you lost your job, or because you have a great idea, or because you cannot find a job you are interested in.

Regardless of the reason, however, you will find there is more information available concerning starting a business than the average human being can consume in a lifetime.

Standard advice includes: prepare a solid business plan, have cash for at least six months, work with a good accountant and attorney; understand your market, understand your competition and have a marketable product or service.

This is good advice indeed. But in our experience, business success or failure involves more than adhering to these maxims. You can have an excellent business plan, good financing, a good product or service and good advisers, yet you may inadvertently sabotage your business and fail. Here are the things you need to pay attention to in order to avoid sabotaging your business success.

• Don’t let fear immobilize you. We believe the No. 1 issue adversely affecting success in a new business is fear: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of criticism, fear of feeling unappreciated, fear of thinking no one will like your product or service or you. Understand that fear can immobilize you and learn to recognize it and deal with it.

Read the rest of this page »

Posted in Insights for Organizations | No Comments »

I am delighted to come across a blog by Helge Hellberg an apparent leader in his field and the organic movement.  After a panel discussion of the film Food, Inc. , Helge reflects on his participation and leaves us with the realization that  - through being judgmental and reactive we may actually become an obstacle to the very thing we are trying to understand and change.

“And who are we to display the organic movement as the solution and the food industry as the evil “other”, when it is all about engagement and integration and changing things by becoming a part of it, because, truly, we are already a part of it?”

We have all heard that “we need to become the change we are trying to envision.”  Yet, how do we do this unless we develop the internal capacity to embrace difference; the “good” and the “bad,” the “ugly” and “the pretty,” or “what we hope for” and “what we fear?”

Settling our thinking, our behaviors and decisions simply by addressing one side of the equation, as Helge reminds us, perpetuates the struggle of “my way” is better than “your way,” or simply “self vs. other.” With training and practice we can develop a capacity for difference. This capacity allows for ambivalence and moves the struggle as perceived externally into a more global and holistic perspective, when managed internally. We can actually develop an “evolutionary capacity” that holds and facilitates authentic change. One side of the equation does not have to defeat the other side. In fact it is an equation that informs us of all the variables that are necessary to be whole.

Holding an Evolutionary Capacity is one of the true expressions of leadership. How do we lead, ourselves and those who depend on us, into the complexity and the contradictory nature of life? How do we greet a life that is so full of challenge? And how do we do this with a heart that both envisions possibility and love of life while at other times shrinks from the suffering we experience and the fear of what is to come?

If we recognize that what we are trying to change is already a part of us and not something separate, would it make a difference in the decisions we make and how we make them? Please take a look at Helge Hellberg’s blog and the community that seems to be working diligently to develop this Evolutionary Capacity. For more, please contact me at: tim@drtimothydukes.com.

Posted in Insights for Organizations | No Comments »

There is such an extraordinary value to allowing silence to be a part of our every day practice. Find the time, inside of your business day, and “choose” to be in stillness. Take a moment. Stop and listen to the inside and the outside. Simply sit without being compelled to move to the next thought or action. Allow silence.

Later, notice if your performance is affected. Is your mind clearer? Does your energy level change? Has your ability to listen deepened?

Film: http://www.purposeprinciple.com/

Follow Kevin Doherty’ work and insights on Twitter:  http://twitter.com/Kevin_S_Doherty

Posted in Insights for Organizations | No Comments »

Stress, oxidative stress in particular, seems to increase in direct proportion to our loss of joy. We know we need more joy in our life, but most of us may not know how to find it. Particularly now, when so much is uncertain, life as we know it seems flimsy. Many of us have already had to face change and live with fear, doubt, and frustration that more change is coming and that there may not be much we can do about it. Finally, just considering any kind of change brings on more stress.

That simple fact is; most of us don’t know how to change. And even if we did, the measurable and immeasurable risks are simply too high. Most of us just wait…. We wait so long that circumstance, life itself, forces change upon us. And usually this does not bring joy.

We fear staying where we are and we fear trying to do something about it! We wait for another day or a better idea – with fantasies of help coming to us from afar. Sometimes we just wait with no idea of what we are waiting for. Change will find us, this is certain, but will it be the kind of change we want? Is there something else we can do besides wait?

Maybe there is a simple solution. Focus on all that is not changing, accept where you are, and open more fully to what you have established that is indisputable. Find joy in what you are doing right in this moment. Seek the core values that brought you to this current place in your life and amplify them.

Joy may not last very long. As the mind seeks the unexpected, it will have a tendency to contract. This allows joy to recede and invites doubt, fear and frustration. These feelings are important if for no other reason, they motivate us. Let these “negative” emotions motivate you to claim more fully the joy that is available to you right now: deepen your appreciation for the business you have created, find new value in your relationships, take more risks in opening new avenues of business development, follow more closely the impulses coming from your heart.

Posted in Dr. Dukes' Musings | No Comments »

What strikes me about this film is the authentic and collective voice of leadership. In my opinion, individually and together these leaders recognize that to ensure the sustainability of their businesses, they have to participate in a cycle of generosity: they benefit by the coffee they receive from growers as they ensure that these growers will be able to continue to produce their products. Coffee Kids
About the Video:

“This video served initially as a mechanism to reach an audience at the SCAA convention. It had to be short, succinct and immediately on message. Not only did we achieve that… we have been able to use this video as an outreach and fundraising tool ever since,” said Carolyn Fairman, Executive Director of Coffee Kids. “The team did an excellent job of capturing the nuances of our mission and communicating what makes us unique.”

About its Production

 Josh Backer , the creative director and filmmaker, speaking about his production company: “Animal Studio has always operated on the principal of working collaboratively and utilizing new technology to maximize creative output. By design, we have created a studio that can produce high end work, typically found only in markets used to paying a premium for good strategy, creative and execution. The pipeline we have created for projects – our work flow – the people we bring together and the way we do it – this is something that goes into every project. It’s just who we are.” (read more)

Posted in Insights for Organizations | No Comments »