The process behind placing expectations on others requires that you act as if you do not know the future and consequently are attempting to control their behavior to get the outcome you are after. This is like driving your car, slowly and cautiously, with a limited depth of vision – waiting to experience the road as it twists and turns, adjusting accordingly.
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“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye
and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”
-Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy, and Fairy Tale
As quoted in: Young, William P. (2007).The Shack
Interdisciplinary Resonance is a term I use for making sure that when you sit at the table, you – the manager, the designer, engineer, facilitator, leader or design thinker are capable of speaking the same language and embodying the same feelings that others are using to interpret your message.
Acting from isolation, while looking like you are collaborating, is not only confusing but counter-productive to the flow of the communication. Resonance, on the other hand, is a felt sense that we are only part, albeit an essential part, of the formula for successful communication. The other person is, of course, as important. Each of these crucial elements, self and other, needs to self-adjust and self-maintain to ensure that we participate in equal measure so that our communication is successful.
With regards to a healthy organizational structure, I view it as a living system. It is organized, yet maintains the capacity of self renewal. It finds its integrity and stability through reciprocal expansions and contractions; a living and breathing entity. This processing structure maintains its form over time, yet has no rigidity. It is identifiable and consistent, yet ever changing and evolving. This is nicely illustrated in the concept of autopoiesis – “The characteristic of living systems to continuously renew themselves and to regulate this process in such a way that the integrity of their structure is maintained.”
(Jantsch, 1980, 7) as quoted in Wheatley, 1994, Leadership and the New Science: Discovering Order in a Chaotic World
The task of understanding communication with our teams or clients is not found in a faraway training, a book, or unusual states of consciousness. It is here in each moment that we are present with another human being. If we open to the present situation that we find ourselves in and accept what is, we enter into a genuine and rich communication with the other person. Remaining present and connected in the communication is not an easy task. It can include both the joys and wonders of all that it is to be human, as well as the depths of life’s sorrows and sufferings.
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I work with leaders – people who have a position of responsibility to other people. I find that they are influenced by one common factor: what they are seeking to accomplish in their life, is also seeking them.
They have a felt sense that they are on a mission and that they will find a way through the obstacles. These leaders are not necessarily religious or “spiritual.” However, life consistently refreshes their understanding of purpose.
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This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.
Still treat each guest honorably,
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”
Kornfield, J. (2000). After the Ecstacy, the Laundry
A healthy organizational structure is a living entity. It is organized, yet maintains the capacity of self renewal. It finds its integrity and stability through reciprocal expansions and contractions; a living and breathing entity. This processing structure maintains its form over time, yet has no rigidity. It is identifiable and consistent, yet ever changing and evolving.
Quotes
Autopoiesis – “The characteristic of living systems to continuously renew themselves and to regulate this process in such a way that the integrity of their structure is maintained” (Jantsch, 1980, 7) as quoted in Wheatley, 1994, p. 18
Often I will sit with a client and hear - “I just don’t have the passion I used to …” or “I know I should be more proactive but….” and finally, “What should I do?”
When I hear this, I am struck by the feeling (theirs or mine) of powerless. I sense that the person I am talking to feels at a loss for how to motivate themselves and worse, I feel powerless in helping them. Fortunately for me, this feelinig lasts for only a moment until I recover the motivation that drives my practice. In this situation, my “doing” is listening deeply to the question and I often realize – the answers are right in the question.
The question; “what should I do” contains all the essential elements necessary to begin to address the solutions. Simply put, “start doing.” Keep your question in mind, but start doing! Just do anything that moves you in the direction you are trying to head.
I learned this years ago when I was training as a long distance runner. I never felt like running until I was actually running. In between training sessions, I simply would not listen to my mind and the 1001 reason it can generate to not train. I just had to put on my running shoes and walk out the door. The run would take care of itself. Likewise in business, focus on your action items generated inside of a well designed strategy and move the process forward, in spite of how you “feel.” Simply step into it and resume your intended direction.
If you are a dancer – dance. If you are an artist – paint. If you have to address your executive team, regarding their performance, take the next step. Don’t wait until you feel like doing it. Do it and then determine how you feel. Better yet, pay attention to how you feel as you are doing and adjust your actions accordingly to get the desired outcome.
When we function within our perceived limitations, we unconsciously sort through what we think we can do and what we assume we cannot. In so doing, we maintain the old and inhibit the new. If we can create more space around the way we think of ourselves and our abilities, our minds open and we see what is really possible.
With an open mind the heart begins to open and possibilities arise, naturally inviting new choice.
