I just finished listening to President Obama’s talk at the Copenhagen Summit on Climate Change: mitigation, transparency and finance are the key concepts that I walk away with. Returning to my work with fathering I am increasingly convinced of the absolute necessity for the father’s return. I explore a rather simple possibility: as the earth is telling us how to care for her, our children will tell us how to father, if we listen.

But what needs to happen first and how do we listen? 

Our relationship with the earth is contaminating our planet to the point that we may not be able to live here. We may survive but will we be well? What can we do today that will make a difference? Care for the earth through our care for our families. Recognize that we do this along with – mother, peer group, school and various affiliations that make up the context of our children’s world. As our awareness and efforts fall into accord and we listen – we may very well find our way into sustainable relationship. As we inform our presence into our child’s world and gently remove the obstacles that separate us, we open to the vitality and life force that awaits us, and receive our understanding of how to father.

A conflict arises within a male when he realizes that in order to provide and survive he must “win,” yet if he is to live  –  he must be able to relate.  Nerburn (1993) exemplifies this plight for older generations of men by first discussing his father and then addressing his son:

“From his earliest childhood he had been cut adrift in a world where a person needed to emerge the winner to keep from being annihilated.  No wonder his sense of manhood was so deeply tied to his sense of male dominance and mastery.  (p. 11)”

In addressing his son, Nerburn explains a potential for younger generations which suggests a less aggressive and a more interdependent and hence inter-relational positioning in the world.

“You were born into a different world that will present you with different gifts and challenges.  A new vision of manhood will be called for that does not tie so closely into the more aggressive and competitive residues of our male character.  You will need to search out new ways of expressing strength, showing mastery, and exhibiting courage–ways that do not depend upon confronting the world before you as an adversary.  (pp. 12, 13)”

Nerburn leaves it to his son, however, to “search out” these non-adversarial ways of being in the world.  It is interesting to note that many fathers, today, are not satisfied to leave their sons alone to discover and define what it means to be a man.  Awareness of the problem suggests responsibility for the problem.  Once we become aware, fathers must take on this responsibility so as much as is humanly possible, we are able to pass on solutions and not simply the problems. (more…)