As fathers, if we are willing to hold presence ( The Present Father™ ), our children will find a way to receive what they need from us. Our presence and the consciousness we bring to our relationships with our children, becomes a context that defines our ability to father. So what does it mean to “hold presence?”

Another “tool” I would suggest I call; Joining. As fathers, when we hold presence for our children, we are both the container and the contained. We join our children in such a way that we are fully part of their play, their question, their experience of eating dinner; while at the same time we hold and contain their process. When we play with them we ensure their freedom and safety. When they ask us a question we respond in such a way as to keep the question alive while joining their wonderment and curiosity. When we have a family meal, we have set the context for them to receive nourishment and nurturance while we become part of what they consume.

“There is an ancient Chinese story of an old master potter who attempted to develop a new glaze for his porcelain vases. It became the central focus of his life. Every day he tended the flames of his kilns to a white heat, controlling the temperature to an exact degree. Every day he experimented with the chemistry of the glazes he applied, but still he could not achieve the beauty he desired and imagined was possible in the glaze. Finally, having tried everything, he decided his meaningful life was over and walked into the molten heat of a fully fired kiln. When his assistants opened up the kiln and took out the vases, they found the glaze on the vases the most exquisite they had ever encountered. The master himself had disappeared into his creations.” –David Whyte

Joining means we lose ourselves fully to the relational moment with our children. In order to do this, like the kiln, we must also hold that moment so that the beauty of who we are as fathers becomes part of the formation of our children in a safe and facilitated context. We hold our presence as we disappear into our relationship with our children to re-emerge as an integrated component of their creation.

As fathers, if we are willing to hold presence The Present Father™ , our children will find a way to receive what they need from us. Our presence and the consciousness we bring to our relationships with our children, becomes a context that defines our ability to father. So what does it mean to “hold presence?”

One of several “tools” I would suggest I call, Gifting Consciousness. When I am with my son, I attempt to place him at the center of my awareness and communicate to the best of my ability the life and vitality that is within me. I am aware of my ability to place this awareness into my relationship with him, while I am sorting through the distractions which diminish my attention.

The other day, while my son and I were visiting a friend and colleague, something occurred having to do with a project we were working on which made me realize how much more was required before we could deliver a proposal we had been developing. On the way home, distracted, my son asked me what I was thinking about. Sorting through my pre-occupation, I briefly shared my concerns. Then, with some effort, returned to our discussion of how we were going to continue to spend our day together. His prompting me to clarifying for him my distraction, allowed us to reconnect and continue to breathe life … together. If I am distracted, I communicate distraction. If I am dull, I communicate my dullness. If I am present, I communicate my presence and the life of our relationship finds us.